If You Loved Me
by Phantom Ange
Summary: Clarice decides to answer one of the Dr. Lector's letters with the voice that she has and the confidence that Hannibal has given her to use it.
1. Answering You

**Disclaimer:**I do not own Hannibal or Clarice, oh well their too dangerous to have around anyway. But I own this story so don't steal please.

**Story: **Clarice decides to answer some of the good doctors questions by singing. So not what you think!

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_Dear Clarice,_

_May I begin by asking how you are? This may seem rather unchararistic of me to you Ex Special Agent Starling, but i'm rather curious to know. _

_Headlines in the tattler still hold strong to their mission in destroying your beloved career in the F.B.I. with well crafted lies about our so called 'relationship'. _

_How do you feel concerning the things these practiced liars say? Does the thought of you being romantically attached to a monster, even though untrue make you feel ashamed?_

_Of course any pleasant emotions concerning yours truly may have been completely vacant after our last meeting in the late Paul Krendler's home. Or they may have been fueled by my confession. _

_Did it scare you Clarice, that a monster could love you? Have those few well spoken words turned your right and wrong world upside down?_

_I truly hope so Clarice. Telling you sincerely how I felt would of had no pleasure if it didn't have such a dramatic effect on you in the first place. This in no way makes what I said untrue, and if you had answered me differently then take my word as a gentlemen that I would have kept to my words and 'stopped'. _

_Imagine, I stop because you asked me to. Of course, it would also have meant your feelings would have been of a mutual nature as my own. My, wouldn't that have stun. _

_Love the monster who made everything in your life something worth fighting tooth and nail for? I'm sure no one ever stroked that ambitious fire of yours the way I did from the moment we first met. Isn't that right Clarice?_

_Maybe some day Clarice, we can make all your worries go away and the lambs to stop screaming once and for all. Wouldn't that be nice? To sleep at night without the promise of those terrifying memories. Or Clarice, have your dreams changed since the last time we spoke? If they have, I do hope you'll tell me. _

_Clarice remember what I said while you were pressed so helplessly against the refrigerator in Paul's kitchen. Had you said 'stop' I would have._

_Ta Ta_

_H_

_P.S. Should we meet again Clarice, please, remember to wear the dress I gave you. And the shoes as they were bought especially for your pleasure and I would like to see you in a 'pleasurable state'. _

Clarice Starling let her head fall back on the couch as she stared wantonly at the ceiling. No, he wasn't up there and he wasn't in the pages of his latest letter no matter how much she reread it.

Hannibal Lector was somewhere outside her door in the world and no doubt far from her if he was smart. The letter proved her first guess wrong, Dr. Lector was in fact near by. Probably watching her at this very moment, the letter had been sitting on her mantel piece when she gotten home that night. Hours later she had finished crying and started to answer some of the question the doctor had poised.

Looking at the first, she could answer this one easily. How was she? Miserable! There was no other way to put it. Ever since Chesapeake the F.B.I. had officially wiped their hands clean of her for good. Not even Crawford had been able to save her doomed career this time. Out of respect for the man who had once been her mentor Clarice had broken all ties to him immediately after she was considered a civilian. True the loss of Jack Crawford's friendship had been a hard choice but she felt smothered under his always sympathetic eyes.

Next she moved to Dr.Lector's question about the Tattler. This was just as easy to answer as the first. She was down right pissed! After all this time the damn trash paper hadn't learned that playing with her personnel life would only bring up painful repercussions from her end of the bargain. Just last week she'd actually bull face threatened a Tattler reporter she'd found snooping around her house in the early hours of the morning with a camera. She couldn't stop them and they made a great amount of sells when her or the doctor's face was plastered on their pages especially when the information was about the both of them together. She hated how they exploited something that should have stayed strictly private, but she was not ashamed, especially of the things they printed that were true. Even though she didn't know how much of it Dr. Lector knew was true.

'_Did it scare you Clarice, that a monster could love you?'_

Clarice had never considered Hannibal Lector a monster, that had held true since the first day she'd met him. The fact that he loved her had in fact shocked her to the point of speechlessness at the very moment when it was the most inappropriate, when he wanted an answer. His confession made a strange exhilaration swell up inside her, but at that time she still had a deeply rooted determination to turn him in even after all he'd done for her. Even after his carefulness to treat her with the utmost respect and care. Now those ideas were far from true and far from ever taking over her judgment again. Yet it had turned her world upside down and Clarice had no intention of having it righted ever again.

' _I'm sure no one ever stroked that ambitious fire of yours the way I did since the moment we first met. Isn't that true Clarice?'_

Clarice had to smile at this and even let a genuine laugh escape her lips. Not even Jack had made her feel so sure and determined as Hannibal had. Only Hannibal had given her the courage to face up to what she had to do, even when it was coming after him.

Hannibal, Clarice had started referring to him by his first name once she'd come to another conclusion about herself.

But first she came to the next interesting question, the one about her dreams. They had of course changed. The lambs still screamed, but not as often as her new dreams made her scream. In her dreams she would be in Hannibal's arms, full of love and tenderness she only knew he could offer her and then in the next instant every bad thing that had come between them came back to life in real dangerous forms. Freddrick Chilton, Paul Krendler, Mason Verger even Jame Gumb came and pulled Clarice out of Hannibal's arms and proceeded to take her away forever. No matter how much he fought against them he couldn't reach her. Those dreams she woke up screaming his name, only to find that he had never been holding her in the first place. The only thing she could do was cry herself to sleep after those nightmares.

Turning away from his countless questions she came ultimately to his confession itself. That if she'd said stop, because he loved her and in return she loved him, he would have stopped simply for that reason.

She sighed, and a sad smile made her face full of anguish. If only she could turn back the hands of time, of course everyone who finds out they love someone too late wishes they could.

It had taken Clarice Starling a whole year to figure out that she truly and completely loved Hannibal Lector, and a few more months before she received the letter she now held. Clarice had been waiting a long time for Hannibal to officially announce his presence, though she had felt his watchful eyes long before now.

She almost started laughing again when he talked about the fated black dress and shoes he'd given her. 'Pleasurable' was definitely the word that described the feeling she had whenever she wore it. Though she never wore them outside the confines of her own home.

Folding up the letter she thought now was as good as any a time to change that. Rushing up to her bedroom she pulled out the black onsomble and slipped into them with one deft movement leaving pantyhose behind. Putting some tempting make-up on and leaving her hair down in a effort to give herself a mysterious shade to her face. Grabbing a black purse she had bought specifically to match the dress and shoes she left the house and made her way to a well known nightclub and karaoke bar. It was about time the good doctor knew exactly how she felt about his proposal.

**Author's note: **There will be more I promise but I must have reviews before I continue. I want to know if you all approve so far.


	2. Yeliel

**Disclaimer: **No one, especially me do not own Hannibal Lector or Clarice Starling. I don't own the song Clarice sings in this chapter and I don't own a nightclub called Shadowfax, though I wouldn't mind if I did at all.

**Note:** Your reviews for my first chapter were rather suprising. To have such grand reviews from fans of Dr. Lector must be rare. You are all supposed to be harder critics then Phantom Phans. Well thank you Lector fans, I hope you enjoy and keep your shiny harpy's in your pockets and i'll keep these chapters coming more frequently.

_song in italics _: Clarice's Thoughts:

-

Shadowfax was not what anyone would call a karaoke bar. The only reason Clarice had dubbed the rather elite restaurant that was the owner let her sing whenever she damned well pleased on the small stage usually reserved for guest singers.

The moment she left her house she felt rather then saw a figure detach itself from the shadows and follow her. She worked on calming her breathing down and tried not to falter in step. Clarice just wanted to make it to the restaurant without a premature meeting.

She hailed a taxi, never thinking that he would give up because she was traveling on wheels now. A shadow flickered in the rearview mirror and she couldn't help but gasp. He was not trying to hide his presence deliberately. For a moment she feared he would enter the taxi without giving her chance to do what she needed to.

_Maybe someday Clarice we can make all your worries go away and the lambs to stop screaming once and for all. Wouldn't that be nice?_

The words from his letter jumped out at her and Clarice felt her body shiver as if he had actually whispered the words into her ear. She made sure she was alone in the back seat of the taxi and almost laughed at herself.

:Your going to do this and your afraid of the thought that he may be next to you? Come on Starling this is ridiculous:

For once the thoughts in her head were her own. No distant voice from her past or present had ridiculed her. : I want him here, but i'm afraid of finally giving in.:

Soon the taxi came to Shadowfax and Clarice was waved in the door by Derrick the usual receptionist. She stopped and described Hannibal to the sturdy man and asked that the Doctor be shown in on her tab and given one of their best tables. The receptionist smiled and nodded. " No problem Clarice. Guess this means your off the market huh?" Derrick asked with a look of mock hurt. He was nice and asked her out once, he hadn't taken her rejection personally and was now a good friend.

Clarice thought for a moment about Derrick's question and smiled. " You can say that." And she went in. She had a ghost of a smile on her face when she thought of Hannibal's suprise at the fact that his arrival had been prepared.

Gavin Maralis, the restaurant owner met her at the bar. He was a middle aged man with salt and pepper hair and baby blue eyes. A very kind gentlemen that Clarice was sure Dr. Lector would enjoy talking to. Gavin always had a smile for Clarice, a smile that one reserved for the person that has saved their life more then once and acknowledges the debt due for it. Gavin's restaurant used to be the favorite meeting place for a very dangerous drug ring of nicely dressed street hustlers. He had been smart enough to call the FBI and inform them of the nightly guests while Clarice had still been helping the DEA. Unlike her dealings with Evelda, this drug raid was clean and the drug dealers went without much of a fight when they were surrounded by twenty SWAT members with automatics.

Clarice's help was in making Gavin's business drug free was only part of the reason he let her sing at Shadowfax, so he said. Gavin also said it was because she had a charming voice that his customers enjoyed hearing during their meal. Clarice accepted these compliments with a polite smile but never really believed them to be true. Tonight she hoped that Gavin hadn't been lying to her all along.

" There you are Clarice, its been weeks since you came down. Its so good to see you." He said and kissed Clarice's left then right cheek in greeting. She had learned how to return the gesture without fumbling some time ago and secretly thought she was slightly more sophisticated then before for mastering it. But Clarice Starling had learned most of her sophistication through Hannibal, at least when she had been chasing him last time she had learned through his old habits. When she had still been trying to figure him out through research.

" Its nice to see you too Gavin. I was wondering if I could by any chance borrow your stage tonight?" She asked politely though she already knew the answer.

" Of course." Gavin said. " And Derrick tells me you have a special guest tonight. He said it was your boyfriend."

Clarice had to joke down unlady like laughter for a moment. The thought that Hannibal Lector would ever be labeled as a 'boyfriend' was completely hilarious to her. There was a scoff from directly behind Clarice that sounded like someone was agreeing with her and she stiffened. When she turned around no one was there, but his undeniable presence was.

" Well he's not exactly my boyfriend." Clarice said the word with a small chuckle knowing the Doctor wouldn't approve of such nicknames. " But he is someone special i'd like to sing for tonight." She spoke sincerely when she said it. Gavin smiled and patted Clarice's cheek as if she were a sweet little girl.

" No problem, lets get you up there then. No man could possibly wait very long before your on stage." He said with a laugh. Clarice inwardly smiled herself. : He waited for eleven years, I hope he'll wait just a few minutes longer:

Gavin pulled her onto the little stage and took up the mike never letting go of her hand. " Good evening my darling people. Miss Clarice Starling has decided to grace us with her voice tonight." He said and the announcement was met with honest applause and cheering from the regulars who had heard her sing before.

Clarice stepped up to the microphone and almost immediately felt his eyes on her. Feeling his stare burning over the bare flesh of her back and the daring plunge of the dresses neckline. She mentally steadied herself, willing herself to speak. " Listen to the things in between." It was all she said before she gave Gavin the silent cue to start the song. Clarice knew it well and let her voice ease into it.

_Just like the sea_

_No one possesses you_

_And no one can go down to _

_The deepest side of you._

'Except for me' she thought. :I've seen more then anyone. But your still past my grasp. :

_Just like a tree_

_Decades and memories_

_Articulate and seal_

_Everyone of your dreams_

She remembered the memory palace Hannibal had built in his mind and faintly wondered if she was somewhere in there. Stored away with all the other memories of his life. She could feel him stir, listening more to what she said then he had before. : Please listen: She silently pleaded.

_When I need you I secretly sing you this part of my soul._

_Yeliel, my angel_

_Know that I can hear you_

_And every word you speak is holy wind caressing me_

_Yeliel, my angel_

_Know that I can feel you_

_And when I fall I feel your arms around my destiny_

_Protecting me._

Clarice sang and wrapped an arm around her shoulder like it was him holding her. She took a breathe and reached out with longing arms to the people in front of her, though she only directed the gesture to one person who lurked in the shadows somewhere.

_I do believe_

_Some things are mysteries_

_The simple fact that we_

_Stand alive, that we breathe_

_Why do I love?_

_Why do I hate and die?_

_Where do these things all lie?_

_I don't know why I cry_

But she did know why she cried. The question was did Hannibal know? She wanted him desperately to tell her why.

_When I need you I secretly sing you this part of my soul._

_Yeliel, my angel_

_Know that I can hear you_

_And every word you speak is holy wind caressing me_

_Yeliel, my angel_

_Know that I can feel you_

_And when I fall I feel you arms around my destiny_

_Protecting me._

Hannibal Lector had always stood off to the side, watching and protecting her when she thought she would fall. Clarice would hear his voice in her sleep and feel his presence when he was near. But she rarely saw him, and her eyes were hungry for the sight of him again. She managed to gasp out the last part of the song, putting a piece of her soul into the words that he could either catch or let shatter on the ground.

_Why do I love...?_

_Why do I hate and die?_

_Where do these things all lie?_

_I don't know why I...cry_

_When I need you I secretly sing you this part of my soul..._

Clarice let the last note die, leaving the chorus out. She had said what she needed to, the next step was his. They were his rules, she only played by them. The diners gave a wonderful applause for her song and Clarice had to force a smile to her lips. She was worried now, the waiting game had begun. It was time to leave.

Clarice went over to Gavin and told him she had to get home early. He seemed disappointed but kissed her goodbye anyway.

It was too late for a cab so Clarice had to walk home. She knew he had followed her out of the restaurant and was tailing her. Though it was risky, if Clarice turned she might see him. She wasn't afraid, walking home in the dress she was wearing. Hannibal wouldn't let harm come to her.

As steps became audible behind Clarice, she realized with some suprise that the waiting game wouldn't be that long.

**Author's Note: **I know, you guys are probably angry about the ending of this chapter. But Hannibal will make his awaited appearance in the next chapter. The song Clarice sings is called 'Yeliel' by Lara Fabian. I thought it fit the way Hannibal was always near but never really physically there in Clarice's life. I love music so I had to fit some in this story somehow.

I have to be careful with the humor I usually use in my other stories, it doesn't fit in this category. But since i'm using the Hannibal film cannon my Lector has the charming humor that Anthony Hopkins gives him. So expect that kind of dry humor in the next chapter. But I won't continue unless I get some reviews.


	3. Stop!

**Disclaimer: ** I do not own Hannibal or Clarice. They own themselves and run their own lives. Hopefully the person who keeps following me around with the harpy will know i'm not trying to own him and kindly keep his distance. : Nervous laugh: ...please.

**TERRY - cRaZy ItALian: **Gratzie mi bella reviewer. I will be happy to comply with this new chapter. I hope you enjoy it.

**ann-marie: **:laughs: well thank you. Hope you like this one.

**Lector-in-Love: **: smirks: Why not? I will continue then because you asked nicely.

**Count Orlok: **I'm glad to hear you'll follow this story as well. I love your reviews and hope you like where this is going.

**Author's Note: **This is where our dear Dr. Hannibal Lector makes his appearance. If he's out of character please tell me. Remember he's based off Anthony Hopkins performance in the movie 'Hannibal'. Not the book though I love it or Silence of the Lambs which still i'm not as affectionate to as this film but I love as well. This chapter may not make much sense, the next one will if writing it kills me.

* * *

The steps behind Clarice became increasingly louder. The noise he was making for her benefit she knew. Had he followed silently, Clarice would have been jumping at shadows the whole way.

: Now what Starling? Are you just going to play follow the leader all night:

Clarice chewed at the inside of her mouth and forced down the teasing words that voiced the obvious gap she had left in her plans. She said what she wanted but not all of it. Just enough to invite his company and start the conversation she was dreading.

: Remember what Gavin said, no man can wait forever.:

Clarice took a deep breathe and stopped right in the middle of the sidewalk. Her house was a few blocks down but she wanted to talk now! The footsteps behind never faltered and walked right past her. Clarice guessed that he wanted to be in the house before any discussion was commenced but she was finished playing by his rules for the night. She assessed the man walking away from her and smiled. Instead of his usual dress suit, Hannibal Lector had opted for khaki dress slacks, a silk blue shirt and a black leather sports jacket. He was still wearing his hair buzzed close to the scalp she noticed and he walked with his hands tucked in his pockets.

" Stop." It was all she said but he responded. He stopped in front of her but didn't turn. He knew the implications of what she said as well as he knew all the answers to the questions in his letter. They didn't need so many words as they pretended to speak to each other.

" Has a thousand years passed so quickly Clarice?" He asked in a calm, casual way that never seemed to leave him. Yet his words were sarcastic, biting if she let the comment get close enough to bare its teeth. Dr. Lector always handled a tense situation with his own brand of humor, she could use it against him. Perhaps throw him off.

" I'm sure you know the story of Rip Van Winkle, Dr. Lector. You can always assume you slept through it." Clarice said, her voice not coming off near as intelligent as it would have had Dr. Lector said it.

" Imagine that." His voice reached her ears, Lector was quiet plainly amused with her words. Hannibal Lector turned to her and Clarice saw his face for the first time that night. Like she had only a moment ago, Hannibal assessed her in turn. " And neither you nor I have aged since we last met. Still a vision ex-Special Agent Starling." He said, his maroon eyes burning into hers. Clarice couldn't stop the blush that crept up her neck and face.

Lector seemed pleased by her reaction if it were a cue to leap forward. "But still my offer stands Clarice, even if you've become an 'old maid' in my thousand year absence." He said and Clarice loved how he molded his mouth around the words 'old maid' with a smile and let the rest of his words run out in a near whisper.

Clarice shivered, knowing what she wanted was a few well said words away. Lector pulled off his jacket and before Clarice could say a word had placed it over her bare shoulders, the brush of his hand on her arm burned. " Cold Clarice?" He asked, though his eyes had that knowing glint in them.

" Smart ass!" Clarice mumbled under her breathe. Hannibal smiled.

" I often wonder why I fell in love with such a crass woman." He said in false thoughtfulness, leaving the comment in the air unexplained on purpose. It had the desired effect when Clarice could only stare speechless at him. " Suprised?" He asked. " I've said the very same thing before Clarice, why so stunned?"

Clarice stared at him and wondered the same thing. Yes, Hannibal had said that he loved her before. In his letters and when he had spoken it before the words had appeared to be pure innuendo instead of a confession.

Hannibal started to circle around Clarice, her senses instinctively kicked into alert. She was confident that he wouldn't hurt her. But she knew from experience that Hannibal Lector didn't need to touch a person to scar them. He was behind her when he spoke.

" What did you expect Clarice? That i'd sweep you off your feet like those two bit romances you watch on tv whenever Valentines comes. A bottle of wine to fill that lack of romance along with a bottle of Jack Daniel's to numb that lonely ache in your heart." He breathed in her ear and the words stun. But he didn't stop, clucking his tongue against his teeth in disapproval.

" You should know better then that. I've never been very conventional Clarice and you know that as well. But still you used a very conventional means to bring me out and I answered. I always admired your common tactics, how you fuse them with your feminine whiles unconsciously and succeed." Clarice heard the compliment amidst the barbs and it made her blood rush faster. She gasped when Hannibal ran the tips of his fingers down the length of her throat.

" How can you be so cruel?" She asked, pulling away from his touch though her body screamed at her for doing it. Clarice whirled to face Hannibal and she saw his expression was indifferent for the first time that night. It worried her, but Clarice pressed on. " How can you say you love me and still treat me the same as if we were back in Baltimore Dr. Lector? I'm not some plaything you can use whenever you feel like it and then toss away." Clarice told him, anger brimming on each word.

: You fell in love with a serial killer, did you expect candy and flowers?.:

" Did I ever say you were a 'plaything' Clarice?" Hannibal asked coldly as if the very idea left a bad taste in his mouth. " Your perception of my intentions has become twisted ex-Special Agent Starling. How quickly you forget the clearness of those intentions last we met." He said and came closer, Clarice forced herself to stay where she was.

" Maybe its time I clarified exactly what you are to me Clarice." He said in a deathly low voice. Faster then Clarice could have reacted, Hannibal Lector pulled her in an iron grip against his chest and claimed her mouth. Instead of the chaste kiss she hadn't returned at Chesapeake, he didn't give her the same chance to refuse. Hannibal drank from Clarice's lips likes she was one of his fine wines. At the same time his teeth grazed the tender flesh of her lips and made her gasp. It was enough for Hannibal to slip his tongue into the alcove of her mouth and taste her.

Clarice was helpless to do anything but cling to him. She was so lost in this blissful feeling that Clarice never noticed the intense response she gave in return. Her nails raking down his back, the fabric of Hannibal's shirt protecting him from any livid marks. Or the moans that escaped as deep purrs in her chest.

Clarice didn't acknowledge that they were still on the street in plain view as they kissed, only that she was being kissed.

When Hannibal pulled her out of the kiss he did it gently, placing smaller kisses and love bites along her jaw and throat. Clarice let her head fall back so he could have better access to the vulnerable flesh and closed her eyes. There she was in the arms of Hannibal Lector willingly, the famed , incorruptible Clarice Starling.

: To hell with shame and values, I don't care anymore. I'm happy here.:

Clarice gasped, a pain shooting through her lower back that she hadn't expected. Her head fell forward onto Hannibal's shoulder and hers hands tightened on his arms.

" Clarice?" Hannibal asked and his hand immediately delved to her back, beneath his jacket. Clarice hissed in pain when his hand brushed the bullet wound there that was bleeding. The bastard who shot her had used a silencer. She could feel the blood and life draining from her quickly.

"Clarice!" Hannibal said in alarm when her knees buckled and he had to catch her. Clarice was frightened now only because he was. She had never seen him afraid.

The look in his maroon eyes was the clearest fear she had seen in anyone's eyes before. With her fleeting strength, Clarice reached to touch his face and Hannibal brought her palm to his mouth so he could kiss it and inhale her scent. She smiled grimly and said the first thing that came to her.

"I love you Hannibal." She said in a teasing voice. " Now go get him tiger." She said, thinking with amusement how the words seemed to come straight from her father.

With that Clarice Starling's world went black, the last thing she saw was the hellish glint of Hannibal Lector's eyes as he raised her in his arms.

**Author's Note: **: immediately ducks any sharp objects: Wait! She's not dead, don't hurt me! Please, it wasn't my idea anyway. It was Lector's, he made me do it that twisted cannibal. I promise there's method behind the madness just be patient.

On a lighter note writing Dr. Lector's dialogue is a pain in the ass. Is he really out of character? I hope I didn't push it too far. There will be less hateful and more understandable dialogue between Hannibal and Clarice but I need reviews first and maybe some kind criticism. Please...?


	4. Healing

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Clarice or Hannibal. Thomas Harris can keep them as I like me the way I am, all in one piece.

**TERRY-cRaZy ItALian: **Sorry about my italian, my mother thought she knew better and fixed my spelling. I spelled it right the first time. lol, oh well on with the show.

**Moonlit Hunt: **thanks for that, your right. I have to bend him a bit for a romance.

**Count Orlok: **:stares at him strangely: What are you talking about! What does Chilton have to do with this?

**lilegyptiangoddess: **I'm glad to accompany your Hannibal viewing.

Csferosha: We'll find out who is was that shot at Clarice in the next chapter, as for the gory details you may want to depend on your own morbid imagination for that. : grins:

Angelia: Thanks, hope you like this, not that much talking I'm afraid. Next chapter will have enough talking to make up for it though.

**Author's Note: **This will be a bit sweeter and only have a few pot shots from either one of our lovely couple. I don't know how long i'll be able to control Hannibal's sharp tongue though. ( Ooh no pun intended for those of you with dirty minds.) Hope you all enjoy.

* * *

Clarice felt a tingling sensation running down her spine, the feeling was slowly bringing her back to consciousness. Beside the rather pleasing feeling she had woken up to, the moment her body was fully aware the burning pain in her lower back returned. Now the pain had also spread to her abdomen.

She bit down on the pillow beneath her and mumbled a few loud obscenities through her teeth. When the tingling went away, she realized it had been a hand stroking her back. Her objections doubled by the lack of that welcoming warmth.

There was a moment of silence. Then Clarice's eyes shot open when lips replaced the hand just above the gun shot wound. A yelp of suprise escaped her lips and she felt Hannibal smile against her skin.

" Hush Clarice, moving will only break the stitches." He said, teasing her skin again with his mouth before pulling away. A million foul words popped into Clarice's head but she held them in, he might not find them so amusing at the moment.

She could hear him doing something, but didn't want to risk the pain again to see what it was. "Now this is going to hurt, so bite the pillow if you have to Clarice." Hannibal said calmly. Before Clarice could prepare herself he slipped a needle into her back, right below the wound. Once the serum got into her blood stream Clarice latched her teeth on the downy fabric beneath her face and held back a scream. It wasn't morphine, that she was sure of. Whatever it was burned like hell.

A tear managed to escape from the corner of her eye no matter how hard she tried to stop it. She gritted her teeth when he slipped the needle back out. The pain started to fade but not fast enough for any real relief.

Hannibal stroked her hair in an attempt to soothe the pain away. It wasn't working but it was a nice distraction. Clarice knew that this rare physical affection was Hannibal's way of apologizing for the extra pain he was inflicting. At Krendler's she'd had enough morphine in her system that the pain was only a memory even during Hannibal's rushed surgery on her shoulder. Now the pain was all too real and there was not much he could do for it.

: For the first time in my life I hope someone died.:

Clarice wished the thought would go away but it wouldn't. She knew deep down that someone had. Hannibal Lector was not going to leave someone alive who had attempted to kill either of them. Sensing where the wound was Clarice guessed the marksman had either bad aim or he wasn't trying to kill her, only disable.

" It doesn't count." The sound of Clarice's voice told her she hadn't used it in at least a day. She must of lost a lot of blood to be out that long. " Who ever you killed last night doesn't count." She repeated.

" I know."

Clarice should have been afraid of the casualness of his words, but for all their history together she had expected those exact words and nothing else. Cold and collected.

But Clarice had witnessed something that was not in Hannibal's usual manner. Fear. Never in their whole time together had she seen him express fear so openly, especially not for her safety. He had always been in control of the situation when she was concerned. Last night he had not been in control of the situation and Clarice didn't know what scared him more. That he hadn't planned on something like this happening or that he nearly lost her.

Suddenly Clarice wanted to know what Hannibal had done to the shooter, it was morbid to ask but she thought knowing would give her some insight as to what had scared him the most.

" Dr. Lector, what did you do to the shooter? How did you kill him?" Clarice realized that she sounded very much like a child asking her father why they had to shoot the dog.

She couldn't turn around to see his face which was frustrating as she had always faced Hannibal when they spoke. She felt his breathe on her neck when he spoke in her ear.

" Even a fallen angel like you shouldn't know the grisly details of that mans death." The smile in his voice made Clarice shiver. His words were enough proof to her what he'd feared the most that night. Her life. It was a wonder that the thought relaxed her, no doubt with help from the drugs Hannibal had given her.

As reality started to slip away again, this time a drug induced sleep, Clarice desperately tried to hold on to consciousness enough to turn over. She managed to lay on her side and look up at Hannibal, whatever emotion she could make out was shadowed by the lack of light in the room and her own hazy eyesight. He gently made her lay back down on her stomach.

" Sleep now Clarice." His voice seemed to echo in her head. " We still have much to talk about when your fully recovered."

With his firm encouragment Clarice slipped back into sleep with the warmth of his hand on the back of her head.

**Author's Note: **I know it's really short, but I had to get this out of the way for a bigger scene. Sorry to all of you reading this, there will be more soon. Just give me a little bit to finish the next chapter.


	5. Leap

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Clarice or Hannibal, lets just leave it at that.

**doctor katy: **I appreciate that, I hope i've captured Clarice well in this chapter as well. I may have to go and recapture Hannibal after this though. Your story is great as well, it was fun to read, please keep it up.

**csferosha: **Your going to keep me on my toes through out this aren't you? Well most of your questions will be answered, except for who the shooter was. That is not necessary information at this point but you'll find out soon I promise.

**Cmdr. Gabe E: **Good, I was worried there for a moment.

**Count Orlok: ** :sits back with some popcorn and watches Hannibal chasing Rob.: I think this is more fun then writing the story. : yells at Robert: " Run faster!"

**Author's Note: **I know, everyone was a bit disappointed with the last chapter. Well I hope this one makes up for it. There will be some funny moments and some awkward ones. Like this moment for example...: coughs: Okay on with the story.

* * *

Clarice woke up a few hours later. The pain had ebbed away to a dull ache, the muscle was knotted there so she felt a little stiff. It couldn't be that bad anymore since she was lying on her back. 

She watched the ceiling fan for a while, her mind and eyesight clear. Clarice let her body revive itself slowly before moving. No use straining something in haste so the diligent doctor could keep her bed ridden any longer. The activity addicted side of her screamed at the idea of more inactive imprisonment.

Clarice shook out her hands and feet to get the blood flow going to the ends of her limbs again. Sitting up gingerly, she stretched until there was a twinge of resistance in her muscles and stopped.

: Slow and steady wins the race, slow and steady:

She mentally chanted this as she continued testing for anymore physical sore spots. There would be bruises from her body tensing so suddenly when she'd been shot. She cringed at the thought of trying to work them out later.

After Clarice was sure she was loose enough to walk she began surveying her surroundings. The two shadow boxes holding two dead officers badges and flags identified it as her own bedroom. The contents of the boxes belonged to John Brigham and and her own father. They were the only things that graced her wall and it would probably always be that way.

Most of the lights were out except for the small lamp on the vanity. There was a large padded wicker chair at the vanity that Clarice called her cat nap chair. After work she sometimes didn't make it from the chair to the bed. Someone else had occupied it now, the lamp only outlining the dozing figure.

Clarice didn't need to see any details to know who it was. And she'd admit an undying love for Mason Verger before she'd believe that Hannibal Lecter was actually sleeping. She remembered an officer in Memphis asking her if Hannibal was a vampire. She smirked. It would definitely account for the mans ability to function so long without a decent nights sleep. Clarice wondered how long it would take her to get used to such a sleeping schedule. For all she knew this could have been her last good, deep sleep for a long time. At least if things went along as she hoped they would.

An uncomfortable pulling at the back of her neck informed Clarice that she was still wearing the black dress. Groaning, she got up to rummage through her drawers for something more comfortable. At least he had had the foresight to take off her shoes. She closed one drawer particularly too hard and winced.

Hannibal didn't move, chin resting on his chest, fingers steepled over his stomach.

Instead of being relieved Clarice was disappointed. She opened the drawer again and slammed it shut. The few things ontop of the dresser rattled with the force.

Clarice waited, nothing.

" Are you enjoying yourself Clarice?" He asked without lifting his head. Clarice saw the side of his mouth turn up in an amused smile. She immediately realized how childish she'd been acting, this wasn't a game, not hide and seek at least. The game had changed so much after eleven years that Clarice barely knew the rules anymore. She grabbed up her change of clothes quickly and headed for the hallway.

" I'm taking a shower." She snapped irritably.

" Take your time." He said with amusement.

" I hope you get a stiff neck sitting like that." Clarice mumbled under her breathe when she left the bedroom. There was a distinct chuckle from the room after she left.

In the shower Clarice stood rigidly beneath the water until the heat loosened up her shoulders. Then she turned the pressure up until the water felt like needles against her bare skin. To Clarice, that dull sting felt better then the relaxing heat. It reminded the ex-special agent that she was still mortal. Not that she felt invisible after being shot, but the needling effect had become part of her daily routine and old habits die hard.

: That's one of the reasons I need you Hannibal, to remind me that i'm still human. Just like I remind you of the same thing, because immortal men don't love. But you do.:

She didn't take long to do all the necessary washing, she was careful with her back. Even though it only throbbed whenever she touched it she would hiss in pain. She did a quick wash and rinse on her hair and body and got out.

Clarice was busy drying off her hair when she reached blindly for the hairbrush. She nearly knocked over a small glass bottle that wasn't usually on her counter. Clarice yanked the towel off her head and looked down where her hand was.

Next to some clean bandages for her back was an unmarked drug bottle filled with clear liquid and two needles, one already used and the other still in it's surgical packing. Clarice picked up the bottle and held it up to the florescent above her mirror. There was no oily texture or thickness to it, no color when the light hit it. When she pulled off the top there was no scent. Any other time it could be mistaken for plain tap water. But Clarice knew tap water didn't burn when it hit your bloodstream.

" What country did Dr. Lecter pick you up from?" Clarice said out loud, not really expecting the bottle to answer. Thinking out loud would have to be a dying habit around Hannibal that was for sure.

No matter what the drug was, it was no doubt illegal. Knowing from past experience, Hannibal never used a drug for it's prescribed purpose. For example, using neurology drugs for a dinner of pre frontal lobe and capper berries.

Clarice put the bottle down and wiped her prints off it with her towel. She was going to leave it be unless Hannibal used it on her again. Until then she didn't want him to know she'd been playing with it.

She pulled on the jeans and tank top she managed to snatch out of her drawer on short notice and let her damp hair dry the rest of the way on it's own. She didn't care who was in the house she was not going to any lengths to look elegant.

Clarice made it back to her bedroom blindly. She'd forgotten to turn the hall light on and after the bright glare of the bathroom lights it was darker then before. The light switch was near the staircase which she didn't want to risk tumbling down in the dark. She kept one hand on the left wall and followed the lamps glow from her bedroom door. Hannibal hadn't bothered to turn on anymore lights. When she entered he wasn't in the chair either. Her internal alarm kicked in. Where was he?

She listened for movement a breathe, something that would betray his location in the dark. But Clarice knew that he was too clever to let something that helpful reach her ears.

: Whoever said that love and trust can't work without the other has never been in this situation before.: She thought bitterly.

" Lie back down on the bed Clarice."

Clarice was frozen when he spoke, she still couldn't find where he was and she wasn't going to submit to his directions until she knew for sure he wasn't behind her. She decided to fill the empty air so her mind wouldn't have time to divulge some obscene fantasies based on what Hannibal had just said.

" I think i'm well enough to stand Dr. Lecter. Besides, my legs need the work out. "

" Very astute of you Clarice but this isn't open for discussion. Now lie back down." His voice was stern, though it never rose in pitch and Clarice shivered. This really wasn't open for discussion then. She was very tense as she made it to her own bed and laid down ontop of the comforter.

Her mind started to paint erotic pictures the moment she stopped moving and she inwardly cursed herself for it. Clarice had no idea what he wanted her to lie down for but a certain part of her had a very good idea of his purpose.

It was silent for a moment and then he came out of the shadows like a ghost taking physical form. There wasn't a single flicker of emotion in his expression. Clarice didn't know what to do. Then Hannibal leaned over her and while she returned his steady gaze, his hands slipped beneath her shirt. Clarice gasped and instantly caught his wrists to stop him. But his hands were already flat against her stomach, the skin still slightly red from the shower. She inhaled sharply but neither of them moved. Clarice's hold on his wrists stopping him from going any further or pulling away.

: God in heaven, why did you stop him:

Clarice didn't know. Something inside wouldn't sever the last thread and give in to him. Hannibal's face didn't change but Clarice's did when his fingers started to rove over the flesh of her stomach despite her restraint on his reach, melting away her resistance. Clarice's grasp loosened and her head fell to the side on her pillow. It felt too good for her to physically refuse the attention.

: Self control my ass! This is what happens when you go without sex for a few years. It's not healthy.:

_Oh shut up! _She mentally told the voice as Hannibal's thumb pressed firmly below her navel. After a few times Clarice noticed he was paying all his attention to her abdomen. That's when she realized what he was really doing and then she wanted to sink into the bed.

He was checking for injuries.

Hannibal Lecter smirked at Clarice but he saved her any further embarrassment by not commenting on her actions. He finished checking in silence, but Clarice could tell the difference when his hands changed from being merely clinical to affectionate. His fingers would spread out smoothly from their once rigid form and back for only a second. Enough to let Clarice know that he wasn't showing indifference, just concern.

Hannibal finished and Clarice felt cold when his hands slid away. She pulled her shirt back down and sat up, Clarice still had to look up to meet his eyes. She sat on the bed and he stood in front of her. It was a strange image that neither of them would think to find themselves. As if to remedy the way they were, Hannibal brought Clarice's wicker chair to the bed and he sat even with her. This was more familiar to them and it brought some relaxation to the situation but not much. They still had much to talk about.

" Now Clarice, we've come to the fork in the road." Hannibal said, giving her a meaningful look to make sure she understood the importance of his words. Clarice nodded, it was time to pick a path. Would they go on together or take separate ways as they'd always had in the end?

" And though I know your quiet set in your decision, there is one more thing I need for you to do. Something very important to both of our futures i'm afraid."

Clarice looked at Hannibal Lecter and saw something. It wasn't fear, this time it was uncertainty. _With an expression like that do I really want to know? _She thought with a bit of hesitation.

" What do you want me to do Dr. Lecter?" She asked and suddenly the self assured doctor was back.

" First of all Clarice i'd like you to stop using formalities when you address me. It's amazing how you can say my name when you wake from your nightmares or when you believe your about to die in my arms. But now it's time to drop the last wall between us." He said and offered his hand. Clarice watched his hand hover between them, there was no going back after this. If she loved him, she'd take his hand.

Clarice took a deep breathe and placed her hand in his. " What do I need to do Hannibal?" She asked. Hannibal smiled, a true smile and his hand enveloped hers. He stood and pulled her up to join him.

" Do you remember what I said about using a mirror to see your true self?" He asked, guiding her as he spoke to the large mirror at Clarice's vanity. She nodded and Hannibal stood behind her so she was looking at the mirror to meet his eyes. " This time I want you to use the mirror as an artist would a canvas. Use it to paint a picture, not of the past or of yourself, but of the future. The future that makes you happy Clarice, the one you dream about when you want the dream to be real." Hannibal watched the effect his words had on Clarice as her eyes slowly glazed over. Her eyes were focused on the mirror but nothing it was truly reflecting. She'd triggered her subconscious, to the place where her dream world lay.

The mirror served two purposes for Hannibal Lecter. He used it as a medium to bring Clarice into that dream world and he also had the advantage of seeing her reactions to those dreams.

The expression that crossed her face could only be named bliss, she was relaxed in his cradling hold and she smiled.

" Clarice, can you tell me where you are?" He asked. She smiled. " On a terrace." She said. " Where is the terrace?" He asked. " It's at our home."

* * *

**Author's Note: **I'm kind of disappointed with the amount of reviews I got last time. Where is everyone? Please review. 

I'm about to go into a place i've been avoiding since this story started. Hannibal Lecter's mind. I'm going to be showing both Clarice's dream world and Hannibal's reactions to what dwells there. So there may be some extremely out of character moments for the both of them. And i'll say this one more time, there is a method to my madness. I'll tell you when I figure out what it is.

And can someone please tell me what Clarice's fathers name is. I know it's in one of the books but I can't find it. If you guys enjoy this story please read my other Hannibal and Clarice story. It's finished and a one shot but i'd like to hear what you guys think. It's called 'Last Chance'.

Just as a postscript, has anyone heard about the movie 'Behind the Mask'? It's the fourth Lecter movie and it's all about the good doctor's past. From childhood to right before 'Red Dragon'. A bunch of us are writing to the director to see if we can get some Hannibal and Clarice screen time and maybe a ending like the Hannibal novel. Tell me what you guys think of this as well as my story please. Please review.


	6. Down The Rabbit Hole

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Clarice or Hannibal. I found them in an alley and they followed me home. So there! No really, they don't belong to me and are the rightful property of Thomas Harris and in spirit Anthony Hopkins and Julianne Moore.

**Count Orlok: **: Hannibal comes to bite Phantom Ange's throat and she just smiles.: Dr. Lecter, i'd like you to meet my friend Lestat de Lioncourt. : The vampire smiles charmingly at the cannibal.: If you go kill Robert then Lestat will make Clarice into a vampire and you can both live together forever. : Hannibal smiles and turns on Robert and begins to chase him again.: That will show you to sick Lecter on me, i'm the writer!

**burninghearts: **First there was the finger scene from 'Silence of the Lambs', then there was the fridge scene from 'Hannibal'. Now there's the abdomen scene from 'If You Loved Me'. I have now joined the ranks of unusual body part scenes. : grins.:

**AerdnaMilos: **Behind the Mask is not a Robert Englund film, I wouldn't watch it if it was. The film is also supposed to be called Lecter Variations, but it could change before it is officially released.

**Lt. Pickles: **That really sucks, I wanted Tony to be in the film so badly. That's not going to stop us from writing to the director anyway.

**pol: **We're about to throw conventional out the window.

**Author's Warning: **Okay guys, we've seen Clarice's past, we've seen the inner Clarice (mentally). Now we're going to see the dream life that she envisions with Dr. Lecter. Due to this strange scene you'll see characters EXTREMELY OUT OF CHARACTER. Remember the dream is Clarice's version of an ideal life, not the truth.

* * *

"Where is the house Clarice?"

Clarice heard Hannibal's question but she ignored him to watch what was played out in her head. She was so immersed in the dream that it felt like she was physically there, the bedroom became the illusion instead of the truth.

The morning sun was still helping her wake while she stretched on the terrance. Hannibal had made sure Clarice had anything she wanted. So he was amused when the only things she asked for was singing and ballet lessons. She took the dancing lessons because of a compliment he gave her one night while they were dancing at a party.

Once she was loose enough she waited for something that happened every morning. Amidst the silence of the house came the first soft notes of a song being played by heart on the piano. Clarice smiled and gracefully brought her arms above her head but not in a traditional ballet pose. Her entire body moved fluidly with her arms, like a tidal wave that powered her arms to move. Clarice closed her eyes and let the music take over her body, Hannibal had shown her how to let go of herself this way years ago. He said that she had her own way of dancing. Both exotic and delicate in a way that it captured everyone's attention.

It was their morning ritual, he would play the piano and she would dance. They greeted every morning the same way, like the pagans of old thanking the sun god for his presence at dawn.

: You think like him now Starling: The voice cooed in her head like a child. Clarice smirked. : And what's wrong with that: Like every time the question was posed there was only silence. She was free here with Hannibal, there wasn't any responsibility to her dead parents except that she lived on and cherished them in memory. Freedom had been sweet in the years that Hannibal had released her from the life that had become her own prison, and that freedom was hers for eternity. Clarice and Hannibal made sure that every day of that freedom was celebrated together.

Suddenly Clarice faltered in step when the soft melody Hannibal had been playing changed drastically. Her foot landed out of rhythm and Clarice opened her eyes to look back into the house where the piano was.

Hannibal Lecter sat at the piano bench, the piano in front of him. The instrument was set so he could watch her dance while he played. At the moment he sat behind the piano with his chin resting casually in the palm of his hand and seemed to be critiquing something. The music played on without him, it wasn't his brand of music to begin with. She realized it was a Tori Amos song called 'Happy Phantom'. Clarice smiled and looked below the piano to see Hannibal's feet planted firmly on the marble floor. Next to his legs were a pair of tiny bare feet that couldn't even touch the floor from the bench that swung back and forth with the music.

"Jess!"

The music stopped and a little brunette head popped up above the piano. The bright ruby eyes twinkled when they rested on Clarice, the little girl giggled.

" Morning mommy!" She said brightly and jumped off the bench. Clarice laughed and bent down to gather up the eight year old in her arms. "And just what are you doing up this early munchkin?" Clarice asked with a laugh, her voice regaining the Virginian timber that she had carefully eradicated from her voice over the years. But when speaking to her little girl Clarice couldn't stop the accent from slipping back in.

Jessica Lecter, or as her parents nicknamed her Jess frowned at her mother. " I just wanted to see you dance, daddy said it was all right." She said as if she were in trouble, her pout was falser then Hannibal and Clarice's current identities.

" Hey kiddo. What did I say about keeping a secret?" Hannibal asked Jess with a raised eyebrow. A look that used to send scholars running only succeeded in making his own daughter giggle. " It wasn't really a secret daddy." She protested with a smile.

Hannibal grinned. " Touché."

Clarice watched as Hannibal came to stand with them on the terrance. His walk still matched that of a prowling cat, around his family it was more relaxed. But any hint of a threat to Clarice or Jess would bring the distinct awareness out in his step. A panther seeing a kill. Now Hannibal gave her a knowing look as she reflected on the traits he never lost, only concealed.

Hannibal kissed Clarice and she smiled against his lips. She was happy here. It had been years in the making but they finally had what they wanted. He pulled away and took Jess from her arms.

" Would you help me with breakfast Jessica?" He asked and Jess made a face, sticking her tongue out like she'd just tasting something nasty. " Only if mommy cooks." She said. " Oh, and why is that?" Hannibal asked curiously. " I don't like the things you make daddy, they taste yucky." Jess said indignantly.

Hannibal Lecter looked at his daughter with a mixture of shock and insult. Clarice laughed and took the little girl from his arms. " I think we'll just have pancakes this morning." She told Jess and smiled at Hannibal. " You can't give an eight year old Eggs Benedict for breakfast, she's not going to eat it."

" Mickey Mouse pancakes! Mickey Mouse pancakes!" Jess chanted. Clarice nodded. "Home made Mickey Mouse pancakes it is." Hannibal simply raised his eyebrow again at his daughter and wife. " The child won't eat eggs but she'll eat a mouse head made of bisquick. One of these days your mother is going to poison me with her version of cooking." Hannibal said calmly, directing the last part at Jess. She laughed. Clarice made an indignant sound and Hannibal chuckled. " Speechless Agent Starling?"

While the scene of a family in the midst of harmless bickering played out in Clarice Starling's mind she knew that it couldn't come true. But she wanted to linger for a while longer like a specter watching over the ones they loved had to leave behind.

Hannibal allowed a small smile to grace his lips as he listened to Clarice describe the life she had dreamed of. Many would think that her imagined future was ridiculous. And even though some things were a bit over exaggerated, Hannibal Lecter found nothing in her dream impossible.

Hannibal filed the dream away in his memory palace. The visions were placed in two separate rooms there. One that he had already created with his own hopes for their future and a new one, where he placed a plaque on the door that read 'Jess'. He spent a few minutes in this room, carefully placing things in certain corners like an expectant father in the last few days before his child is to be born. Hannibal stepped back when he was finished and admired his work. Then he locked both doors securely so the next steps he was about to take would not infect these two precious rooms.

Hannibal was once again staring at Clarice's blissful face and her clouded eyes. She was still in that sweet dream of hers and it was time that Hannibal brought a splinter of reality into her perfect world.

* * *

**Author's Note: **: Phantom Ange with a tour guide hat on looks behind her.: I didn't lose any of the group back in that chapter did I:grins: They'll catch up later.

Okay I know, that was really strange. Especially since this is not listed under comedy. It was really short because this chapter has been torturing me and I had to either publish it or slaughter it. I chose the first one. So I pity all you readers. : laughs: Actually I have a deep love for this chapter, this actual dream sequence started the entire 'If You Loved Me' story. I hope you all like it and please review. Tell me what you think. The Mickey Mouse pancakes is actually something my dad used to make for me and my sister when we were little and my nickname was munchkin so I had to put them in there somewhere. :grins:

And I hope you approve so far Susan. And Robert you can stop pestering me now. I have a new job so there may be a delay with the next chapter as well because i'm in a tight training mode. But don't worry I won't make you wait the same time period that was between these last two chapters.

To all my reviewers and silent readers I need your help. I found a song called Dr. Hannibal and downloaded it. It's by a rapper named Don Choa. The problem is i'm American and this song is not in English. I only understand the lyric 'Bonjour Dr. Hannibal'. I'm know I have Italian and Czech readers, but do I have any French reviewers who can translate the lyrics to Don Choa's song. I think he's French, but if he's not i'm sorry for presuming he is. Please help me out guys, the fact that I don't know what he's saying is driving me crazy. Thanks.

In the next chapter we'll find out what the 'splinter of reality' is. Ciao


	7. Dear Readers

**Dear Readers: **Okay something is wrong with my computer so these stories won't be updated for a maximum of two weeks

I'll try to update sooner if possible. But I need to have the screen of my laptop checked and get a new power pack before I can even turn it on. I'm borrowing a friends computer just to write this. So readers of the three stories 'If You Loved Me' 'Maddy and Sparrow' and 'Some Books Shouldn't Be Read'. Don't freak out, I'll be back asap. I promise!

Phantom Ange


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